Life and...life

Today I was taking a water break during some work and took a seat on a concrete barrier. I glanced to my side and noticed a little moth or something. Being bored I lifted my water bottle to squish it, then I thought...'why? Its not bothering anybody, hell its not even doing anything, little guys just sittin there probably as hot as I am' So I let him just fly off.

It seems many people in this day and age focus on two things 'Life and Death' They jump through flaming hoops perched on a tightrope precariously dangling over a lava tank full of sharks. Why? Simply because that's how life is if you want to live it, and I don't mean "live" it like the adrenaline junkie says in movies but I just mean average day to day life. There's a million things you have to focus on these days just to survive, then, before you're even close to being dead, stuff comes at you from all directions about what you should do to prepare and make arrangements. You drive down the road and see billboards for funeral loans, you put on the TV and constantly see commercials about "what will you're family do if you were to suddenly depart" hell I already have a full will and material divy-up written up, signed, and stored. When it comes right down to it, it seems that just about everything these days has to do with one of those two things.

Personally, my past few years have been like that, just without the 'Life' part. So much of what I've done has revovled around death, pain, dispair, suffering...even if the focus is on preventing or fixing those, they still hover around like...well like an unwanted moth. After the moth incident I instantly began taking notice and observation of all the life around me, despite where I am. Little ants go scurrying about, bugs fly around, patches of grass and trees grow here and there with small beds of flowers among them.

Back in Whiskey school (medical school) I had such a fascination with the OB/GYN unit...no, not because of 'that', get your mind out of the gutter. The section focused so much on child-birth and pregnancy. Several of the guys thought it was pointless or 'gay' for guys to get into that field, but personally I think it could be one of the best. What could be better than seeing new life every day as your job? I know plenty of girls that get all excited when they find out a friend of theirs is having a child, I must admit I do too. I don't go as crazy about it but I feel it inside just the same. I've seen death with my own two eyes, even had someone literally die in my arms. When someone is having a child, its life, a whole NEW life. A miracle unto itself.

When I got to my unit after med school a soldier asked me, "so when we're oversea's, would you rather kill and insurgent? Or save one of us?" I replied with a smile "well personally I wouldn't want any one of you guys to get hurt. But if I had to pick, I'd take saving a fellow soldier anyday" I still stand by that philosophy today.

In the end, life is indeed short. But its still a great miracle unto itself and I think I need to start valuing it higher than I have in the past and try to let it more into my life. As stated everything around me now just seems like death, death, and death. Its time to start putting Life back into it. Life...and Life.